captain hindsight

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

How did you get to where you are today? Was it meticulously planned out or did it just kinda happen? I’m guessing it was probably the second one, unless you’re Barrack Obama then it’s definitely the first option (he was born with presidential airs and graces I say).

I have never had a grand plan like you see in the movies. All through my life when people asked me the dreaded “What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?” question I would just palm them off and tell them ”I’m only ten, I don’t know what I want to do yet…’. However 10 soon becomes 13, then 16, then 18 and so on… (I’m not very good at counting it turns out…).

I still vividly remember when an adult that I looked up to greatly at the time said to me when I was about 19 ”Philip, you really should know what you want to do with your life by now’. This really upset me. I’m a dweller by nature (as all my friends and family will know) and this set the dwell into overload. I’ve always considered myself to be quite mature and super sensible since I was very little, so I felt like I should know what it is I want to do. However it turns out they were a bit of a douchebag and my master plan was actually to be as indecisive as possible until the very last moment (more exciting that way)!


Its funny because he’d rather eat the doughnut than save citizens. Oh Garfield!

For me deciding on what to study at college and ultimately for university felt like a good strong natural opportunity to access where I’m going and to finally force me to decide what I’m doing (oh how you must decide!). Of Course I didn’t, I bottled it and just choose subjects that I was good at and that I enjoyed doing. At college that for me was Physics, Maths and Music. When it came to choosing a degree (I cho cho choose you) I couldn’t decide between the sciency stuff and music. So I fudged it by finding a course that incorporated them both; Electronic Engineering with Music Technology Systems (win win). 

The only long term-ish plan I ever made was for when I finished uni (it was disastrous). I intended to move home for a bit and find a job in Manchester (so I could be close to my family) working as an engineer in broadcasting, they’d just finished building media city there for the BBC, so it was meant to be right?. Well so began a six month battle to find a job that turned me into the most miserable grouchy git ever. I ended up signing on and then working at a phone store, which I hated (I was bloody good at selling phones though). I had to cast my net a bit further and if I was going to find something I wanted. When I was eventually offered a job I wanted it was in London. In my mind I had no choice but to go for it, I wasn’t waiting another six months!

I’m happy to say It all turned out for the best cause I have a great job now and I bloody love London. Its like they say, when life gives you lemons, eat them… Then again they’re actually quite sour and eating a lot of them in one sitting is probably not good for you. 


If you haven’t seen The Simpsons Lemon of Troy episode then we can no longer be friends.

I sometimes think If I’d made a big grand plan I could have avoided all the unhappiness that happened after uni, but then I wouldn’t be where I am now and I can hand on heart say I learnt a lot from those bitter experiences. I should mention that I was lucky enough to have the safety net of having my family around me, so I wasn’t just struggling on my own, it could’ve been a lot worse in that respect.

On reflection, as much as I’d like it be, life is not like a book. Its kind of a jumbly wumbly big timey wimey mess. When you’re a kid you think you’re destined to do something amazing (and we still can) buts its not just going happen on it own by magic (I thought there was an outside chance I was the second coming of Jesus and I just didn’t know it yet). Whatever life throws at you, you just have to make what sense of it you can at the time and make the best of it as it all happens. Hindsight is a beautiful thing though and everyone thinks ‘what if?’ from time to time.


That’s today’s ramblings done for now. Here are my current musical obsessions (thanks to young Johnny Boy):

Have a great rest of the week lads and lasses!

Philly out

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