Garth Marengh’s Dark Place

You Shall Not Pass… Go! (Or collect £200)

Hello treasured reader

Firstly happy Saturday to you. Lets dive straight in. For the last few days I’ve been all over the place, I’m blaming the January blues! I apologise if this revelation is a little depressing but I warned WordPress when they asked me to write this blog, I said, “Erm… I’m not a natural blogger”. And they said, I’ll always remember this, that they didn’t want any ordinary blog, they wanted the truth. So, here is, Philly89, blogging the truth. Not putting on an act, but putting on the truth. (I apologise to the 99.9% people who did not get the above Garth Marenghi reference).

Anyhow soldiering on, last eve, I was invited round to my friends house to partake in a evening of one of my favourite past-times, BOARDGAMES. Usually this is a delightful occasion, but as stated earlier my head has been all over the place. The evening was going well until it took a huge downturn when I made a few hilarious tenuous Lord of the Rings jokes and nobody laughed… awkward.

We were playing a game were you have to collect countries, with the main objective of collecting five that border each other. I started off great, but it quickly took a downward spiral until I literally only had a minor hold on the middle east, which obviously as almighty overlord supreme I renamed it to Middle Earth. I also started pronouncing Iraq as ‘Eye-raq’ like Americans do. It was the jewel in the crown of my sweet empire, until it actually became my only country left, so I obliviously started renaming ‘Eye-raq’ to my Eye of Sauron (as if nobody found that funny…).

Well after last night it hit me that I’ve been blogging now since Christmas day and it pains me to realise I haven’t yet mentioned one of my all time super duper favourite board games. Which (I really hope you can guess by the title) is the family destroyer that is MONOPOLY! 

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Years later all of the little girls family would go mysteriously missing.

Well you can imagine how I felt over Christmas when no one would take me on! We ended up playing the Pointless board game which was fun but it just does not have the same bitter feeling that monopoly brings to the table. I bloody love it. At university when everyone else was going out on the town me and my friends had other plans, we created a monopoly league (seriously). We played once a week and it was great. The disputes got to such an extent that my friend Chazzy actually emailed Hasbro with our dispute (and they replied!). The catchphrase use to be ‘lets play till it gets bitter’. When we meet up now we play an incredibly complicated game called Axis Vs Allies, I kid you not it took about 4 hours to get our head round the rules.

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He went for broke with Mayfair & Park Lane. Rookie move.

Well without further ado I’m giving you my cherished reader  a few of my sure fire tips to avoid ending up like the monopoly guy and come out on top in a sweet game of monopoly (**warning** they’re within the rules, but probably violate the spirit of the game):

  • Is anyone knew to the game? If so capitalise, offer to help them navigate their way around the treacherous world of Monopoly.  Basically you will be controlling two pieces, you can then start bargaining with that in mind.
  • Show no sentiment, even if you’re collecting just £8 in rent, collect it, it all adds up!
  • Hide some of your money at the start, then whilst bargaining you can pretend that you are incredibly poor and that they’re leaving you up a creek.
  • Spend, spend, spend. Just spend, early on spend it all!

Apart from actually cheating does anybody else have an shady methods of winning at a sweet game of monopoly?

Well that’s my Saturday morning rant over. I’m now off to go ten pin bowling (and people think I’m not cool)! Have a great day!

Philly out

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