university

Are you a Judgy Person?

Being judgemental is something I have always tried to avoid, my mantra has always been live and let live. However I can’t help but notice those damned judgy thoughts creeping in at times… It really grinds my gears. Who am I to comment on the way people decide to live their lives, what makes me some sort of morally impenetrable fortress??? The worrying thing is that its usually ignorance that causes these thoughts, a lack of understanding of their situation or no understanding of what they are going through. These thoughts are harmful.

For some crazy reason we all live by these ridiculous rules set down by society, that if we’re all honest, we know don’t lead to instant happiness. You must have a nice home, you must have a good job, you must have a partner, you must be slim, you must, you must, you must! I constantly berate myself over these ‘life goals’ and if I’m honest I judge other people on them as well.

To achieve one of these ‘goals’, I made (what was to me), the huge leap of moving to London. Whether this was right or wrong I really don’t know, at the time all I know is that I was obsessed with having a good job. I never wanted to move to London, the plan was when I’d finished my degree to live and work in Manchester. I would be living in a reasonably busy city and I would be comfortably close enough to my family back in Bolton. That was the plan, it was a good plan, ingenious in its simplicity. What actually happened was one of the most stressful and upsetting periods of my (obviously sheltered) life. I applied for 100s of jobs and more often than not never heard anything back. I ended up working in a phone shop just to have a bit money. To make things worse, a lot of my friends had finished the year before (I did a four year masters degree) and all of their achievements and adventures were pasted all over Facebook. I regularly partook in Facebook torture sessions. It was obvious I had to do something, so I decided to widen my job search and I started applying in London. Eventually (after a total of 6 months job searching) I did find a job I wanted, working as a audio engineer for a radio station in Waterloo on the south bank in London. 

When I’m in a reflective mood and I think back to two years ago (almost to the day) when I made the move down and the overriding theme that jumps to mind is of naivety. I didn’t do anything silly or anything, I’ve always been very sensible, I just question whether I made those decisions for the right reasons. It has been a crazy metamorphic period of my life, no different from many other peoples journeys I’m sure. However I’m now almost 100% certain that this idea of the ‘whole package’ is not healthy, I’m not saying don’t do anything, I personally don’t regret moving to London I absolutely love it now and I can’t see myself living anywhere else. What I am saying is rip up the rule book and make your own way. Be brave and do your own thing, naturally people are going to comment and it will upset you at times, but I honestly believe that the most interesting people are the ones who live life on their own terms

I’d be interested to know what other people think on this? Am I talking complete rubbish or am I bang on?

Philip

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

How did you get to where you are today? Was it meticulously planned out or did it just kinda happen? I’m guessing it was probably the second one, unless you’re Barrack Obama then it’s definitely the first option (he was born with presidential airs and graces I say).

I have never had a grand plan like you see in the movies. All through my life when people asked me the dreaded “What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?” question I would just palm them off and tell them ”I’m only ten, I don’t know what I want to do yet…’. However 10 soon becomes 13, then 16, then 18 and so on… (I’m not very good at counting it turns out…).

I still vividly remember when an adult that I looked up to greatly at the time said to me when I was about 19 ”Philip, you really should know what you want to do with your life by now’. This really upset me. I’m a dweller by nature (as all my friends and family will know) and this set the dwell into overload. I’ve always considered myself to be quite mature and super sensible since I was very little, so I felt like I should know what it is I want to do. However it turns out they were a bit of a douchebag and my master plan was actually to be as indecisive as possible until the very last moment (more exciting that way)!

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Its funny because he’d rather eat the doughnut than save citizens. Oh Garfield!

For me deciding on what to study at college and ultimately for university felt like a good strong natural opportunity to access where I’m going and to finally force me to decide what I’m doing (oh how you must decide!). Of Course I didn’t, I bottled it and just choose subjects that I was good at and that I enjoyed doing. At college that for me was Physics, Maths and Music. When it came to choosing a degree (I cho cho choose you) I couldn’t decide between the sciency stuff and music. So I fudged it by finding a course that incorporated them both; Electronic Engineering with Music Technology Systems (win win). 

The only long term-ish plan I ever made was for when I finished uni (it was disastrous). I intended to move home for a bit and find a job in Manchester (so I could be close to my family) working as an engineer in broadcasting, they’d just finished building media city there for the BBC, so it was meant to be right?. Well so began a six month battle to find a job that turned me into the most miserable grouchy git ever. I ended up signing on and then working at a phone store, which I hated (I was bloody good at selling phones though). I had to cast my net a bit further and if I was going to find something I wanted. When I was eventually offered a job I wanted it was in London. In my mind I had no choice but to go for it, I wasn’t waiting another six months!

I’m happy to say It all turned out for the best cause I have a great job now and I bloody love London. Its like they say, when life gives you lemons, eat them… Then again they’re actually quite sour and eating a lot of them in one sitting is probably not good for you. 

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If you haven’t seen The Simpsons Lemon of Troy episode then we can no longer be friends.

I sometimes think If I’d made a big grand plan I could have avoided all the unhappiness that happened after uni, but then I wouldn’t be where I am now and I can hand on heart say I learnt a lot from those bitter experiences. I should mention that I was lucky enough to have the safety net of having my family around me, so I wasn’t just struggling on my own, it could’ve been a lot worse in that respect.

On reflection, as much as I’d like it be, life is not like a book. Its kind of a jumbly wumbly big timey wimey mess. When you’re a kid you think you’re destined to do something amazing (and we still can) buts its not just going happen on it own by magic (I thought there was an outside chance I was the second coming of Jesus and I just didn’t know it yet). Whatever life throws at you, you just have to make what sense of it you can at the time and make the best of it as it all happens. Hindsight is a beautiful thing though and everyone thinks ‘what if?’ from time to time.

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That’s today’s ramblings done for now. Here are my current musical obsessions (thanks to young Johnny Boy): 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JECTUQVrvzE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTQiT58AbE0

Have a great rest of the week lads and lasses!

Philly out

photo credit 1: http://shocksandshoes.blogspot.co.uk

photo credit 2: ypoiw.blogspot.com

photo credit 3: http://letsenjoygaming.blogspot.co.uk