Month: November 2014

Introverted Misconceptions

Okaaaaaay I’m going against the grain here! So buckle up its about to get bumpy.

I firmly believe I’m introverted and I understand what that entails. It’s all about energy. Introverts need time alone to recharge after spending time with others; Whereas extroverts are the opposite, they feel recharged after spending time with people; for them, the more the merrier really. Here’s a really good post which nails it all: All the introverts put your hands up.

Like most I’ve been there. I’ve had friends perceive my introverted behaviour as me being grumpy, but that’s fine, it’s perfectly reasonable actually. This usually happens when I go quiet out of the blue. Everyone then thinks there’s something wrong and when asked am I okay, I force the worlds fakest smile. I now recognise why I’m behaving like this and I try not to think any less of either side involved.

Sooooo baaaack to my bugbear. Introverts are now for some reason portrayed in some circles as this super special group that’s sooo painfully misunderstood. Well that might be true, but that doesn’t give us a divine right to act like jackasses. The most recent example, another ‘introverted’ post by Buzzfeed riled me up no end: Faces every introvert will immediately recognise.

It just panders to the misconceptions held about introverts. We are not shy or reclusive, we are just wired slightly differently. I don’t hate going out to see my friends, I just understand that afterwards I will need time to alone to recharge. That doesn’t give me a divine right to pull ‘faces’ and be rude to my friends. Don’t get me wrong I understand that the article is intended to be light hearted and supposed to be just a bit of fun; Its job, obviously isn’t to educate or enlighten it’s too entertain.

However for me once you recognise you are an introvert, you shouldn’t wallow in self pity or use it as an excuse not to try. Use this new found understanding to your advantage. Knowledge is power after all. Analyse your behaviour accordingly, am I actually upset? Or am I just drained from spending the whole weekend with my friends whom I love to bits? 

Basically my point is being an introvert does not give you the right to be rude. We’re British after all, manners are important! If you are finding it really difficult and you truly feel misunderstood; why not try educating your extroverted family and friends? You could make an awesome powerpoint? Or a lazer show? Maybe not a mime show, but yeah, some kind of show.

Buuuuut anyway that is my rant over,

Phil out!

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Musical Memories

I love music. I listen to it none stop all day, if I’m out with friends and I have a minute to myself, the headphones go in, I’m brutal. If I forget my headphones on my commute, I break out into a cold sweat. My poor Spotify account takes an absolute hammering.

This morning on my epic journey to Ipswich (long story) I’m listening to an old favourite, an old friend if you well. I’m listening to the Let It Be album by none other than the Beatles! (Yes I know they’re not on Spotify, I’m angry about it to).

I love this album, it got me through, what qualifies for me as a tough time (I’ve lived a very sheltered life). I was at the start of my second term of my first year at university and I was, to put it simply, home sick.

I was only 18 and Id been home for Easter for a long time and it just reminded me of everything I was  missing at university. When I returned I was miserable, deep in the funk. Id hurt my arm to in a bizarre trampoline accident which didn’t help!

When i got back to uni, i spent a lot of time just sat in my room listening to Let It Be. I listened to this album over and over. The first track ‘Two of Us’ and track 3 ‘Across the Universe’ particularly resonated with me. They are are so melancholy, it was perfect for blue philly. The lyrics about John and Paul hanging out in ‘Two of us’ made me think about myself and my little brother who was only 8. I loved him to bits and at the time we were inseparable. In ‘across the universe’ the line ‘nothing’s gonna change my world’ is repeated over and over again, when you feeling isolated, a mantra like this is always gonna speak to you.

I have other albums and artists that remind of certain times, good and bad. I’d be interested to know if you have any similar tales?

Anyhow that’s me done, my favourite song ever is playing! ‘Long and winding road’. Words can’t explain how much I love this song!

Philly out!

Raising Kids

Guten tag!

I haven’t blogged for a long time, so I thought I’d reopen my account with a convoluted account of things that have been ambling through my brain recently. Its a little all over the place, but I find it helpful to just chuck things out there every now and then… A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…

I recently read an article on a mothers fears about raising a young girl in the 21st century in western society. The article is all about her worries surrounding the way girls are currently exposed to such sexually charged material at such a young age. The author also goes into the ways she believes they are influenced by their surrounding elders ”ohh shes so cute, shes such a princess” and so on… it irks me and it probably irks you. From my experience ‘Family elders’ for want of a better term (think uncles and surrogates aunties etc…) have a knack for casting aspersions and opinions hastily, well there’s a difference between knowledge and wisdom. Alas sticks and stones…

Back to the point at hand, having a child and leading them into adulthood is very interesting and something I find myself thinking about a hell of a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t see myself having kids any time soon, but naturally coming from a family home that has been fostering young children since I was 13 years old, raising kids is probably going to cross my mind every now and then. Personally (before all these shenanigans) I would want to be financially stable and be in a loving long term relationship, before I even start thinking about having kids (I must say that I appreciate that circumstances can get in the way of idealism).

Social conditioning and gender bias is something I find equally as fascinating and as it is irritating. The term ‘princess’ in particular really gets on my nerves (I know I’m not alone on this one). I must state that I don’t consider myself to be a ‘feminist’, but that’s only because I consider the term to be ridiculous. To me it simply says I believe in equal rights for everyone, soooooooo why do we need this label to convey a simple (and frankly obvious) message? What a ridiculous state of affairs we find ourselves in. Anywaaaaayyyyy…

Once I have kids (and hopefully that will be the case), I naturally want to give them the best start possible. Regardless of gender I’m going to aim to treat them like blank canvasses and see how they develop, whatever interests they have, I will try my best to encourage. When I was younger I used to get really upset that I didn’t play football (like a proper LAD should), my dad talked about football all the time (and still does haha), but I was in scouts and played tuba in a flipping brass band (not the coolest cockerel on the block). Scouts and music were the things that I wanted to do (and enjoyed!), but I fell in to the trap of feeling like I didn’t fit the bill (the MAN was on my back in a big way). I don’t think kids should ever feel this way, my parents didn’t cause this problem, this was down to a number of factors that ultimately attributed to me feeling upset and small. Once I raised it with my mum and dad, we had a huge chat about it all and I felt infinitely better afterwards. Individuality has to be encouraged in a child, who cares if we don’t fit the bill (f*** the bill I say, terrible TV programme). We should teach them to make their own decisions and to understand why they did.

I’m afraid this, as I warned at the start, has been a wafflely post, its such a huge topic and its really hard to nail down. There isn’t a manual on this sort of thing (that works). If there’s one thing I have learnt from watching my parents (and attempting to help, not hinder) over the years is that parenting is in reality a lot about the moment, best intentions can go awry when you’re exhausted, you just have to do your best and hope it’s good enough. Basically try not to mess them up too much and handle the problems as they arise with a view to a positive overall picture.

Anyway that’s my waffling over for now.

Peace out ya’ll,

Phil